Hakuouki: Henkaroku Saitou Route
by haideu
Summary: A sequel to my previous fic Hakuouki: Henkaroku Prologue /s/10695538/1/Hakuouki-Henkaroku-Prologue Written in the style of Drama CDs/games, in the perspective of Nakashima Chiaki. *recommended to read prologue first before proceeding.
1. Chapter 1

The days passed by slowly. Every day, all day, I was being locked up in this miserable room with nothing but a bed and lamp. I couldn't even ask to see the scenery outside because they said "you'd have intentions to escape" and things like "I'd kill you on the spot". These men were so unreasonable. If they really are the police force of the Bakufu, then shouldn't they at least do some investigations? From what I heard, what they do every single day is to patrol around the streets aimlessly and practice kenjutsu. If they were hardworking enough, wouldn't they have caught those Choshu spies before they barged into my house? This is infuriating!

Chiaki: Excuse me, I need to go to the toilet.

I wasn't even allowed to open the door and talk. Sometimes it seems that they are ignoring me on purpose, and if I were to knock on the door, they'd say something like "you're trying to escape!" and other silly things.

The paper door swung open, revealing it to be one of the guards I feared the most.

Saitou Hajime.

Chiaki: I… I need to go to the toilet.

Darn! I sounded unsure. But that's because he had some kind of overwhelming dark aura coming out from him. It's like he's going to kill me anytime!

Saitou: I heard you. I will be escorting you there.

Chiaki: Thank you.

My voice was no less than a whisper. I felt compelled to answer back like a servant, since everyone expect me to. Talking back will only have things like "you're a rebel" being shoot back at me.

Walking to the toilet was my only chance of getting fresh air and a change of view. I am always being locked up in my room, staring at those four walls and going mad.

When the toilet came to sight, I was prepared to lose all of my face.

Chiaki: I need to… do some business…

He eyed me suspiciously, hand immediately on his sword. I got frantic. The smallest of things can provoke him.

Chiaki: I mean! I need to… do some major business, and the smell's going to stink. You might want to keep a distance.

_That's it. I said it._

Saitou: It's okay.

Chiaki: … If you say so. I warned you.

Gahhh! How embarrassing! I quickly shut the door behind me and covered my face with my two hands.

Chiaki: Well, there's no turning back now.

After what seemed like forever, I got out after flushing the toilet and adjusting my kimono, or _rags_, as they call it. I did try my best to not make any sound, but sometimes, some things just can't be controlled no matter how hard you try, right? I'm only human!

I came out after taking a good breath, which I quickly let out because the air isn't fresh at all! Saitou stood in front, eyes fixated on me, his white scarf above his nose.

Chiaki: Doesn't the smell bother you?

Saitou: …

It does bother him! I could die of embarrassment anytime now!

Saitou: It bothers me more if you escape.

… _Somehow, it bothers me that the smell doesn't bother you at all. Are you even human?_

Ah, but, it's better if he don't tell me "your poo stinks beyond belief" or "I'm ashamed of you" straight in the face. If he does, I will dig a hole and hide in there forever.

Saitou: But I have to admit, it stinks.

I covered my face again. How can I ever face him? He's going to tell the rest about "mad girl Nakashima and her poo adventures" and they are going to mock me until the day I die. I don't want that! Argh! Why must this happen? Unbelievable! Why can't I poo as gracefully as princesses? Wait, do they even poo at all?

He led the way back to my room, walking next to me. I suddenly felt small again. It just seemed that I'm not better than anyone else, that I'm useless. I wonder why?

It didn't take long for us to reach my room. He stood there like a stone, silently motioning me inside. Shouldn't you at least open the door for me? Geez.

Chiaki: Ah, wait!

Well… He wasn't going to go anywhere, but…

Chiaki: I've been thinking. Do you think I can help out with the chores around?

The moment I finish my question, I felt the wind cut through just in front of my face, a wooden sheath at my neck.

Chiaki: …!

Saitou: If this is your idea of escaping, I'm not going to be taken in like a fool.

I couldn't speak for a while. I was scared! My knees were trembling.

Chiaki: … I was just thinking…! That since I'm a burden to the Shinsengumi, the least I can do is to help you with the chores and lessen your burden.

I said this from the bottom of my heart. I really wanted to help.

His eyes flickered for a moment, and he put down his sheathed sword.

Saitou: I will sound this out to the Vice-commander.

Did I just get him to consider my offer? If it's Saitou, this is almost as good as a yes, even if it didn't turn out as one.

Chiaki: Thank you very much!

The night shift was taken by Nagakura Shinpachi. He was a friendly guy, although he kept his guard up most of the time. It was good talking to him, even though his words were mostly vague and small talk, at least I had someone to talk to instead of myself.

Shinpachi: I heard that you wanted to be a servant of the Shinsengumi?

_Servant? I merely said "help out"!_

Chiaki: Um, yes, I did.

Shinpachi: Well, Hijikata-san doesn't seem to be in favor of it.

_I see, that's expected. I wasn't hoping for anything much anyway._

Shinpachi: But then Kondou-san and Sannan-san tried persuading him anyway. I do think that it's a great idea that you become the servant of the Shinsengumi. Man, having to watch you on top of our training and patrolling duties is giving me lack of sleep. At this rate, meals like fish and tofu aren't going to help me gain strength for battle!

… _Fish and tofu, eh? I can't say I've had any of those for a week now._

Shinpachi: Anyway, nothing's been decided. But I guess if they allow you to be part of the Shinsengumi, they'd probably inform you tomorrow morning.

Chiaki: I see, thank you very much.

That's something comforting after so many weeks of torture.

The next morning, I was told to come to the main hall after finishing my breakfast. My heart beat quite fast. I don't know if they are going to allow me to become a servant of this place, or they've decided to kill me. After all, this morning's breakfast was… a little more than usual.

I stood outside, nervously fidgeting. Should I announce my arrival before going in? Will they get angry that I'm disturbing them? Or should I just wait until the door is opened?

The door swung open just as I was hesitating. I was surprised.

Saitou: It's you.

Kondou: Nakashima-kun? Please come in.

I must have been shivering as I walked inside. How could I miss the ledge at the door? I heard Okita's snicker as I entered the room, still shaking as I knelt down on the floor. Saitou sat down beside me at ease. What's with this atmosphere? It's different from usual.

Everyone was eating breakfast. Did I eat too fast? Come to think of it, when they told me to come as soon as I'm done eating, I gobbled down as fast as I could and rushed down.

Sannan: Nakashima-kun, how was breakfast today?

… He's all smiles that I'm getting the chills. Is he implying something?

Chiaki: It was good. I ate well.

I tried to sound happy, but I was filled with dread.

Sannan: That's good. Today's breakfast was prepared by the princess.

I looked to where Reishi-san was sitting. She gave me an acknowledging nod and a warm smile. If she could smile like that, does that mean I'm safe for the time being?

Hijikata-san cleared his throat and looked at me with such coldness as ever. The room was suddenly quiet. I clenched my fists, mentally preparing myself for the worst.

Hijikata: It has been brought to my attention that you wish to become a servant and serve under the Shinsengumi?

_Why do they keep changing my words and degrading me further?_

Chiaki: Yes…!

_Still, it was better than being executed._

Hijikata: After careful consideration and much persuasion that I have decided to let you join us formally. However, if there are news regarding your alliance with the Choshu, you will be killed without mercy.

… _What a heavy news when it should have been a happy one._

Chiaki: Thank you very much!

I bowed deeply. I didn't want this. I wanted to live back at my house, leading a normal life. Now I'm a servant. It's like I've lost the samurai blood in me.

The people around me looked relieved, somehow. Did they care about me after all?

Heisuke: I'm so relieved! Now I don't have to waste my time sitting outside and staring at her door for hours!

Sano: Tell me about it! I'm always so deadbeat from patrolling and I've to try my best not to doze off while keeping watch!

Hijikata: That doesn't mean you guys can slack off! She still needs to be kept on constant watch.

… _Forget it._

So my day started out slightly better, and I was ordered to wash the dishes straight after. When everyone left the hall, Reishi-san stayed behind.

Reishi: Isn't this great? Now the Shinsengumi's going to treat you better!

Chiaki: Yeah. That's great.

Chiaki: … Did you try to convince Hijikata-san too? I heard he's a difficult person.

Reishi: He's not that hard to talk to, actually. I only told him that I can't possibly let a guy wash my undergarments, that's all!

Reishi-san is surprisingly straightforward for a princess.

Reishi: And of course he agreed immediately. You should've seen the look on his face! It was hilarious!

Reishi: The people around here are really nice people. You should get to know them better. Ah, I have to get going. See you!

Naturally I don't expect a princess to help me with chores, but to me, I've never regarded Reishi-san as a princess. An older sister whom everyone prefers, actually. I shouldn't complain, but I can't help but feel that the world is unfair.

After washing the dishes, I was ordered to wash the laundry and clean the dojo. The headquarters was big, and I'd often get lost. It feels good to be doing something again. I sat down on the porch of the dojo, scrubbing the haoris on a washing board and basin.

Yes, it feels good to not be inside the room for once. The sunlight which I had detested months ago suddenly felt like heaven's hand shining down on me. I heard the sound of what seemed like sword cutting the air, so I put down the laundry and followed the direction of the sound.

It was nearby, just a few steps from the corner of the dojo. I saw Saitou swinging his sword repeatedly with such fierceness and speed. Although it was something boorish like fencing, the way Saitou swung his sword was… breathtakingly graceful.

As if my thoughts were being spoken out, he sheathed his sword and looked at me with nonchalant eyes.

Saitou: Can I help you?

Chiaki: Ah…! It's nothing!

I was about to turn and walk away, but I felt like I had to say this.

Chiaki: The way Saitou-san swings his sword is beautiful. It suits you.

I saw his eye widened just a small fraction. Did I say something wrong?

Wait, I was complimenting him wasn't I? Maybe he thinks I like him now?

Chiaki: I didn't mean it in any other way! Um, I will be off to hang the laundry now.

Saitou: Your sword.

Chiaki: Eh?

Saitou: Your sword, the _Honjo Masamune_. It is a beautiful sword.

Are you kidding me? He's calling my sword beautiful now?

He took a few steps towards me, as if wanting to make a conversation.

Saitou: I never thought I would see such a fine sword as that. A legendary sword made by the famous sword smith Masamune. It caught my eye the moment I saw it on the dirty hands of those Choshu spies.

He's talking like he's describing his love at first sight towards a girl experience.

Chiaki: My great-grandfather was a samurai. But my grandfather didn't want to continue killing anymore, so we became a family of merchants. I don't know anything about the sword, except that I should never sell it away and protect it with my life.

Saitou: Looks like the samurai blood in you runs still.

Chiaki: Really? But I'm already the third generation who's still not going wield a sword and swing at people. How can I even be called a samurai? I'm a girl, too.

Saitou: … Sorry, I've never considered you a girl from the start. My apologies.

…

…

…

Chiaki: It's okay. Maybe because it's my hair. And also I'm quite boorish. I don't mind being called a boy, I guess.

It was the acceptance of my fate. How I wish I was born a boy. I would be strong, I would be able to defend myself. I would fight back, regardless. I wouldn't be pushed around.

Saitou: Your sword is beautiful.

Geh… Was he even listening to what I said? Well, not that it matters anyway.

Chiaki: If you want to use it for practice, I don't mind.

His eyes softened a little. Or was my eyes playing tricks on me?

Saitou: However much I want to use it, Hijikata says we can only touch it after you die.

… So in other words, he's hoping I would die faster?!

Saitou: Vice-commander's words are absolute.

I wasn't even going to fight back. It'd be pointless. Sure, everyone wanted me dead. Just wait till a meteor strikes this place, I'd be free and kick their ass.

I scrubbed the haoris with huge strength, the washing board broke into two.


	2. Chapter 2

Chiaki: My deepest apologies!

I was kneeling down, bending over so deep that my forehead touched the tatami mat. Apparently breaking the washing board out of rage was a bad idea. Like, a really bad idea. And it was an accident on top of that!

Chiaki: I didn't mean it! It just happened—

Hijikata: Haaah? You mean this washing board broke by itself all of the sudden?

Kondou: Toshi, calm down, will you? I'm sure there were no ill intentions—

Hijikata: Kondou-san, this is serious! She's only started work and on the first day, things like this happen. This is unacceptable!

Kondou: Well, we have some funds now, so getting a new board is a good idea, since its old and bound to break!

Kondou-san was surprisingly nice and understanding. I can see why so many people respected him.

Hijikata: Kondou-san, buying the new board is not the main issue. I'm more concerned about _why _she broke the board.

Again, his glare was so icy and piercing, as if wanting to see through me.

Chiaki: … I will pay for it!

Hijikata: I warn you, if this is one of your many schemes to escape or ruin the Shinsengumi…

Reishi: Come on, Hijikata-kun! What can you do with a broken washing board? She's obviously no match for anyone here.

…

At the sound of Reishi-san's voice, Hijikata winced. While it seemed like he didn't hate her or anything, Reishi-san must be putting him through a difficult situation with her authority.

Hijikata: Still, there has to be a punishment! We can't just let her off again and again if she keeps breaking things!

Hijikata-san was relentless. Isn't it tiring to constantly go against someone who's not even struggling all the time?

I remained silent. Sure, I was regrettable for my actions. Still, what did he want from me? Is he going to take my life just because of a dumb board? Are human lives really of no value to the Shinsengumi? How disgusting.

My roots of hatred for the people and the place are beginning to grow deep. I hate living like this for the rest of my life.

Kondou: … Still, her strength is admirable.

Kondou: I mean, who breaks the washing board just by scrubbing clothes?

… Is he even serious? Hijikata-san looked genuinely troubled by Kondou-san's childlikeness.

Sannan: However, we can't just give her extra hours of training like how we'd punish our soldiers. She might be from the Choshu, after all. We can't let her know about our training methods.

After a while of thinking hard, Hijikata finally spoke up.

Hijikata: You are hereby denied of food for a whole day!

My heart shattered at the thought of that. No food? I haven't even ate lunch or dinner!

Kondou: This is inhumane! Toshi, can't we just let her pay for it? Or pay double?

Sano: I agree. Furthermore, she's a girl. Isn't that too much to take?

Hijikata: There's still the fact that she might be related to the Choshu!

The sound of that word ticked me off. I've been hearing that word every day, all day. I hate the Choshu _and_ the Shinsengumi now.

Sannan: Since she'd be killed off if there was proof to that, I feel that she can just pay us double for the board instead.

Alas, Sannan-san has a sense of justice!

I was asked if I had the money to pay up, and I promptly told them I kept my money at home. They were hesitant about sending me back, but reluctantly agreed after knowing that there was no other way. I could pack my clothes this way, since I'd be living in that slum of a Shinsengumi for a while.

X

What happened?

When we came to my area of residence, everything was burned down. What was left was only huge debris burned black. Everything looked wrecked and destroyed, I couldn't even recognize anything. Wasn't my room originally here? Or was it the garden?

Who could have done this? Why are they doing this to me?

I fell to my knees and cried loudly.

This time, I really lost all that I once had.

The pain, the agony, even death couldn't make up for this torment I'm feeling. What did I do? Why would misfortune after misfortune befall me?

Kondou: Who could have done this horrible thing…?

His voice was stricken with fear, but he'll never understand how I feel.

Hijikata: Must be one of the Choshu people. Maybe the Nakashimas have something to do with them.

I felt something even more than what anger could express. I was shaking, not out of fear or sadness, but pure hatred, the feeling that I'm completely dead within, that nothing mattered anymore. Those words coming from that person was infuriating.

Chiaki: I've had it! Choshu this, Choshu that! Nothing I say will ever get through any of you! I'm better off dead!

The tip of a sword swiftly swung just in front of my eyes. It was Saitou Hajime. I was enraged, and took a step forever. The tip of the sword was just about a millimeter apart from my forehead. Saitou held his sword firmly.

Chiaki: Go ahead, kill me. I'm already dead inside. I can't wait to die.

I wasn't even shouting anymore. I said it in a tauntingly yet depressing tone. I know I said I've resigned to fate, but why were my tears falling down? They felt like burning lava rolling down my face.

Chiaki: You all wanted me dead from the start right?

I said it with a small laugh. I can't say I'm mentally stable now. I'm such a lowlife, I'm so pathetic. I drop to my knees once again and screamed as loudly as I can. There was just something inside of me that no matter how hard or loud I scream, I can never get it out.

Was this what having nothing at all felt like?

Then, the rain fell. It was a few drops at first, but it became heavier in a matter of seconds. If I were to die here, I'm happy I died at home. I close my eyes, feeling the rain soak through my kimono, unto my seemingly lifeless body.

I wonder, once I'm dead, will I get to see my great-grandfather in heaven? Is he going to be upset that I'm not a samurai? I'm a failure, huh. I couldn't even protect my family or this house. I couldn't even protect our family name that's been trampled by the feet of the peasants. I've let you down, great-grandfather.

Saitou: You said you would protect the _Honjo Masamune_ with your life.

_Tch._

Chiaki: I don't care about that stupid sword! I hate samurai and the likes of them!

He grabbed my collar tightly, I could see rage in his blue eyes, those eyes that could kill without feeling anything. It tore my soul apart.

Hijikata: That's enough, Saitou. We're going back.

I didn't know what happened after that. I was being hit by something hard on the head, and everything went black.

A bright ray of light registered in my eyes. I stared at it blankly. I was lying down on a mattress. Where am I? Was heaven this uncomfortable? My head rang in pain as I tried to get up. You could still feel pain in heaven? Maybe my soul couldn't rest in peace.

?: You're up.

I pushed myself up with my wobbly arms, my head still pounding. I failed at the first attempt, but I still tried again anyway. I felt someone come behind me and supported me gently.

This black kimono…

I couldn't take it, the pain in my head is pulling on my nerve. I fell backwards and found myself resting on something sturdy but warm and comfortable.

?: I must have hit you so hard, I'm sorry.

I know that voice. Argh, this pain in my head makes me want to sleep forever.

We stayed in this position for a while, until my headache got better. I know I was resting on a man's chest, but my head hurts too much for me to move aside.

?: About the house I'm sorry.

I turn to face the man. It was Saitou Hajime, his expression although indifferent, there was something sad in his eyes.

Saitou: When we got back, Vice-commander held an important meeting with all of the executives, and it was decided that you can stay here.

Chiaki: I refuse.

No, I do not want to stay here. What good will staying here do? I don't want to go back to being a servant, scrubbing floors and clothes. There was something way important that I felt I needed to do!

_But what was it? Argh, my head can't stop spinning._

Saitou: It is for your safety. Yamazaki came back with news the other night and the Shimizus living next door are confirmed to be helping the Choshu clan, but they fled after burning down your house.

I was just staring at him, stunned.

Saitou: There is a speculation about the Nakashimas fleeing after knowing the danger they were in.

Souji: Hajime-kun, don't you think breaking such news to someone who's just woken up from coma is too much? What if she faints again?

_Okita… Was it? Who else was here too?_

Saitou: … My deepest apologies.

Souji: Speaking of which, Hijikata-san wants to have a word with you, Chiaki-chan.

Souji: The rest have gathered in the main hall too.

Saitou: I see. In that case, Nakashima-san, we should get going too.

I didn't even budge at his words. Usually, I'd be too scared to disobey.

Souji: Looks like we need to knock her out again.

Saitou: Souji. Vice-commander is waiting, right? Could you tell him to wait a while more?

Souji: Hmm. Don't take too long. Even if it's you, Hajime-kun, Hijikata-san is still going to lose his top.

Okita didn't even wait for Saitou's reply, and I heard the sound of the paper door close.

Saitou: Nakashima-san, I'd like to apologize for my actions the other day.

I didn't respond. He took that as a signal to carry on.

Saitou: I'm sorry, I was too harsh on you. I shouldn't have grabbed your collar that roughly or hit you. I seek your forgiveness.

Saitou: … Harada gave me a good lashing when we came back. I realized my mistake.

Saitou: Please allow me to repay you with sword practice.

I wasn't expecting an apology from Saitou-san. It's not like his cold jokes or apology made me feel any happier. But for someone like him to apologize to me, when moments ago he was the same person about to kill me. It made me confused.

I tried standing up, but my legs gave way. It's like I can't feel my legs anymore.

Was I still afraid?

Chiaki: Saitou-san, why didn't you kill me back there?

No reply.

Chiaki: If I'm dead, you will be able to obtain my sword.

Saitou: I don't want to get the _Honjo Masamune _using dirty tricks. I want to earn it with my strength and capabilities.

Did he mean it from the bottom of his heart? Or was Hijikata-san forcing him?

Chiaki: How are you going to earn it, exactly? Challenge me to a duel and kill me?

I wasn't being sarcastic. I was prepared knowing that I'm going to die by the sword sooner or later. Saitou didn't reply to that either. We stayed there until his presence was too much for me to bear. I walked briskly to the main hall. Since it was decided that I'm not part of the Choshu rebels or their schemes, I am free to go. And I was going no matter what they might say. It doesn't matter even if I don't know where I'm headed, I'm definitely not staying here.

I hesitated just outside the room. I could feel Saitou looking at me, but he wasn't moving either.

Saitou: Do you want me to open it for you?

Was I scared?

Just then, the door swung open. We were greeted by Nagakura-san's goofy smile.

Nagakura: What is it? Why are you two standing there? Hurry up and get in!

Nagakura: Ah, Chi— Nakashima-kun, are you feeling better?

I bit my lower lip softly and gave him a small nod. I lowered my head and slouched as I took my seat uneasily and kept my distance from the Shinsengumi members.

Reishi: Are you okay, Chiaki-chan?

I bowed slightly. I'm not going to lie through my lips.

Reishi: You were out for a few days. I was beginning to worry about you.

I was in coma for days? Is this why I feel… numb?

I don't feel as sad anymore. It was like all my sadness and frustration have been let out that night.

Kondou: If you need anything, do not hesitate to ask! We, the Shinsengumi, will protect you at all costs!

Hijikata: Kondou-san, isn't that too exaggerating?

Sannan: Kondou-san has a point, Hijikata-san. After all, we've been ill treating this poor girl for weeks and maligned her.

Hijikata: …! Wasn't this your idea too, Sannan-san?

Kondou: Anyway! We would like to make a formal apology regarding this matter! I hope you will forgive the Shinsengumi for jumping to conclusions.

Nagakura: Sorry, kid. We were just doing our job. Please understand.

Sano: Yeah. We were at fault. Sorry.

Heisuke apologized briefly too afterwards. Okita-san merely snickered.

Saitou: Sorry.

His voice was so soft, like a mumble. I took in a deep breath.

Chiaki: May I go now?

All of them was speechless for a while. Did I say something ridiculous?

Kondou: T-That's fine, but are you sure you don't want to stay for breakfast?

Hijikata: Kondou-san, she wants to head back to her room and rest.

Reishi: I get it! I will bring breakfast over, then.

I stared at them. I was too tired to show any expression.

Chiaki: No, I'm leaving. May I have my sword back?

Reishi: You're leaving?!

Kondou: We can't let you leave! You're in great danger!

Hijikata: Kondou-san. If she wants to leave, so be it.

Kondou: But—!

Hijikata's fierce glare was then directed towards me.

Hijikata: But. You're only allowed to leave after you've learned how to protect yourself.

I frowned, my eyes widened. Learn how to protect myself? Wouldn't that mean I have to hold a sword? And possibly, kill people?

Hijikata: You're a samurai's daughter right? You're going to learn how to wield a sword starting today.

Hijikata: Nagakura. Could you teach her?

Nagakura: Yes, sir!

Chiaki: I refuse!

Why was I refusing? Learning kenjutsu sounded like a wrong, yet right thing at the same time.

Hijikata: Are you telling me that you're going to leave this place right now, without even the slightest idea how to defend yourself, and get killed by those ruthless ronin and Choshu? Is this how you intend to live your life?

He was obviously angry and was shouting. I was used to endure his barking of orders, but to be scolded like that, and in front of so many people…

Hijikata: Don't you want revenge? How are you going to do it without learning how to swing a sword properly?

I swallowed hard at those words. Revenge? I never thought that one day I will be killing someone out of revenge. But, it was the right thing to do right? To get back at them for taking away all that I had?

It was the first time I was staring at Hijikata-san without breaking eye contact. I still held the same expression, clenching my kimono.

_I don't know what I want._

But I can't say this out.

I don't know if I want to kill someone because I can't ever forgive him, or if I want to just run as far as I can, away from this place and its haunting memories?

Hijikata: I can't let someone hold this sword without knowing its true worth! Are you a samurai or a chicken?

His words were like daggers stabbing painfully slow into my body, and then it was pulled out and thrust in again.

Kondou: Toshi, your words are too harsh!

Everyone fell silent at Hijikata's words, as if to agree. Only Kondou-san dared to speak, and it was only because he wanted Hijikata-san to simmer down, not to disagree with him.

I hate to admit, but Hijikata was right. He said all the things that I never wanted to hear. Things that I've been running away from for a long time. I had samurai blood flowing through me, but I never acted like one. Maybe, maybe if my family accepted the way of the warrior, maybe we would have fought back instead of running away.

It's not like the Shinsengumi gave me a choice. It was an order. After all, I am still part of them.

I was part of their samurai ways.


	3. Chapter 3

Nagakura: Put some more energy into it! Are you all women?

Nagakura-san had a surprisingly different demeanor when he was training his soldiers. The ones in front tried to hold back their grumble for fear of incurring Nagakura-san's wrath, but the ones further behind were whispering to themselves. It can't be helped, Nagakura-san's teaching methods are inhumane. Everyone's already worn out not long after they started, but Nagakura-san is pushing them. I happened to be suffering like them.

Nagakura: Nakashima, even though you're a girl, that doesn't mean you get special treatment! Now swing your sword like your whole life depended on it!

I was getting ticked off. I don't have enough stamina compared to the ones who've been training since day one. My face was getting paler by the second, as I swing the wooden sword with decreasing strength each time. This is bad, I can almost see a white vision clouding my eyes as I stand in the sweltering heat under the hot sun.

Heisuke: Shinpachi, don't you think you're being too rough on a newbie? See, she looks like she's going to faint anytime soon!

Nagakura: Alright, then. Everyone take a short break! However, you're going to be pushed twice as hard since you guys would have rested enough!

At the sound of the word "break", my legs gave way and I fell onto the ground. I was too tired to move to the shelter and rest. Right now, right here will be enough. I was breathing in vigorously, trying to stabilize my heartbeat. Any longer of Nagakura-san's training and the white vision will be welcoming me to heaven next.

Nagakura: Yo, kid. How are you feeling?

Somehow after being taught under Nagakura-san, I have a different opinion about him. That is, I'd rather he not be anywhere close to me.

Chiaki: … Tired.

I was more than tired. Exhausted, probably. All I want now is to climb into the futon and sleep.

Nagakura: Huh? Then shouldn't you be resting inside?

Answering him was a chore, but I didn't want him to suggest things like "you're excited to train that you don't feel like leaving right? Let's go for another round!"

Chiaki: I can't move.

I can't even feel my limbs. I was lying chest down, although the ground was warm and uncomfortable, I couldn't be bothered.

Nagakura: Is that so? Well then, in that case—!

Chiaki: !

In a second, I was being lifted up and hoisted on Nagakura-san's broad shoulders with just a hand. The sudden movement made me dizzy, but more than that, I was embarrassed. How could a guy get so touchy with a girl whenever he wants?

Heisuke: Oi, Shinpachi, what do you think you're doing?

Nagakura-san put me down on the stairs next to Heisuke, albeit carelessly.

Nagakura: What do you think I'm doing? Displaying my manliness and strength as the captain of the second division of the Shinsengumi, of course!

… _That's right, no one here regarded me as a girl, if I recall…_

Heisuke and Nagakura-san continued bickering among themselves and I hugged my knees to myself, trying to get some rest as I closed my eyes.

I hadn't an idea how long time passed, but I heard Heisuke said something like "Hajime-kun", but it didn't matter to me, so I continued to rest.

?: How was training, Shinpachi?

Nagakura: I'm glad you asked, Saitou! Geez, these men can't even last for two hours of practice!

Nagakura: And on top of that, we're taking a break now. I'm beginning to think that having breaks in between weakens our men.

Saitou-san is here?

Heisuke: That's because you're not human, Shinpattsan! Who tells their men to run laps while swinging the sword non-stop?

Nagakura: Shut it, Heisuke. What can a kid possibly know?

Then, it was like Saitou-san had suddenly noticed me.

Saitou: What about her?

Nagakura: Er… What about her? What do you mean "what about her"?

Saitou: Her progress.

_Of course, my progress. Not my well-being._

Heisuke: Nakashima-kun is pretty good. I'm surprised a girl could last through Shinpattsan's hell training this long.

_I knew I should have told them that I couldn't take it anymore halfway. Now they have high expectations of me!_

I was still pretending to be asleep so that I could hear more.

Nagakura: Alright, men! Time to go back to training! I'm going to extend the training hours if you guys don't move quickly!

Everyone was groaning as they pick up their wooden swords. I raise my head and begin to stand up, stretching a little. Just a while longer, and I can get all the sleep I want. I wasn't even thinking of going to bathe.

Heisuke left shortly as he had patrol duties, but Saitou-san stayed behind to watch. I was honestly nervously whenever I feel his gaze upon us. The executives showed a different side to them when training their soldiers, so Saitou-san's side is going to be a lot scarier. Especially if he doesn't find our practice satisfactory.

Nagakura: Oh? Is Saitou staying to watch? Everyone, you're in luck today!

Is he being sarcastic? I can't even begin to imagine the hell we'll be going through today. Not to mention I was one of the few forced to stand in front. With my amateur skills compared to the rest, Saitou-san is definitely going to give me a hard time!

Nagakura-san was already shouting at a certain few just as practice had begun to start. I gulped as I grip onto the wooden sword.

Nagakura: Nakashima! What do you think you're doing? Do you want to keep swinging that sword until night?

That made me jump and I kept swinging the sword at full force. However, because I was just swinging it mindlessly, my stance and movements were totally wrong.

Nagakura-san was about to walk towards me and probably give me a lashing on the tongue, but Saitou-san got here quicker than he did.

Saitou: Let me handle this.

_Crap…! This is not good!_

I was shivering as I stared at him. He looked down on my sword and gripped my hands tightly. I tensed at his sudden touch, and tried to struggle free from his grasp.

Saitou: Stop moving.

His words were although strict, but it had less hostility than Nagakura-san's. He guided my hands into a position which he found satisfactory, lifted the sword in a certain manner and then swinging it down. It was amazing, the whole movement was totally different from my usual swings. It felt like a professional. Was this the way Saitou-san used his sword?

Shortly after, I received a lecture on what I was doing wrong and the proper way of holding a sword, moving my arm, and so forth. He was patient in guiding me, and never once lost his temper when I made a mistake. Was this what Nagakura-san meant when he said "we're in luck" when Saitou-san was around? Indeed, I felt that I wanted to be taught by Saitou-san instead.

Nagakura: That's it for today! You all are dismissed!

Everyone thanked Nagakura-san and Saitou, before cheering loudly, and heading back to their rooms. Saitou-san glanced over at them, before looking at me.

Saitou: Don't forget what you've learned.

Chiaki: Y-Yes! Thank you very much!

I was going to head back to my own room as well. I didn't feel as breathless or exhausted as compared to when Nagakura-san is teaching me. I learned a lot too. I turned to look at the rest of the soldiers who were slowly disappearing inside. Most of them were walking alongside their friends, talking happily and complaining. How nice, I wish I had one like that too. One that I can share all my vents and worries and happiness with. One that I can walk back with.

Nagakura: Say, Saitou. Sano, Heisuke and I are heading to Shimabara today. Do you want to come along?

Saitou: I politely refuse. I still have unfinished work to do.

Nagakura: That's too bad. It seems that you're always busy. What about tomorrow? Or the day after tomorrow? Or next week?

Saitou-san kept making excuses and nagged at Nagakura-san for constantly wasting money, to which Nagakura-san laughed at. Even someone so reserved like Saitou-san has friends he can be comfortable with. How envious, I thought as I walked off after returning the wooden sword.

Saitou: Nakashima.

Saitou-san was behind me as I turned to face him.

Chiaki: Is there anything I can help you with?

Saitou: How did you feel about practice today?

That was a weird question, but I guess it's something Saitou-san would say in a conversation.

Chiaki: How I felt? Well… I guess I could say that I'm tired…

That was honestly all that there was to it.

Saitou: I see. This is your first time after all. But more importantly, how do you feel about holding a sword in your hands?

Is there anything I should feel about holding a stick? I really couldn't understand him.

Chiaki: Well… I guess… Like everyone else?

Saitou: Have you grasped the meaning of what it means to hold a sword?

I was starting to feel overwhelmed. What if I don't give him the answer that he wants to hear?

Chiaki: I… Um… Isn't it just what it is?

Saitou: … I see.

Eh? He wasn't going to give me another lecture about swords again?

He was about to leave.

Chiaki: Aren't you mad?

Saitou: Mad?

He looked slightly puzzled, but otherwise his entire expression made no change.

Chiaki: That I don't know what the sword means to a person…

Saitou: It's not something that you will understand through a day worth of practice.

Chiaki: I feel that it's not something I will ever understand through practice.

I think we both know what it means. Unless you aim a real sword at a person, unless you fight with him and eventually cut him up, you will never understand the true meaning of what it takes to be called a samurai.

Saitou: If you don't practice, you won't know what to do when the real thing comes.

With that, he left, leaving me to ponder about our conversation.

The meaning of the sword? Isn't it just killing people with it? So why did it seem that Saitou-san had more than just one opinion about it? It made me curious. Why is it that I can never guess what he's thinking? It's like his whole life was shrouded in mystery. 

Reishi: Hey, do you think Saitou-kun like anyone?

I almost choked on my rice. I had been so tired that I requested to be in my room for dinner, and Reishi-san joined me.

Chiaki: W-Why would you ask that?

It has never occurred to me that the Shinsengumi will ever be romantically involved with anyone. It just seems like they are a bunch of bloodthirsty gang of burly men who's always after ronins and killing them.

Reishi: Because! He's a cool person, don't you think? To me, he seems like the type who's never going to confess even if he likes a girl!

Chiaki: Shh! Don't let him hear you!

Reishi: It's alright, isn't it? After all, I'm a princess.

Ah, that's right. Reishi-san and I are two very different people. Everyone seems to like her and wants to be her friend, but everyone is always so mean to me, treating me like a male servant.

Still, the thought of Saitou-san being in love…

Chiaki: It's totally weird!

Reishi: It is? But it's normal to like someone, right?

Chiaki: Not really…

Reishi: Hey, Chiaki-chan. Do you have anyone you like?

I gave it a good thought. Someone I like? I might have one or two in the past, but now I can't even remember their names or faces.

Reishi: Like maybe, one of the soldiers who looked especially cool during practice, or maybe one of the executives of the Shinsengumi?

I shivered at the thought of that.

Chiaki: Er… No… What about you, Reishi-san?

At this, Reishi looked flustered.

Reishi: I—It's not like I have someone I like or anything—! I just happen to think he's cool and all but—! It's not love! I do not like him at all!

Chiaki: Heh…

I lifted my chopsticks and pointed at her.

Chiaki: Who is it?

Reishi: Idiot! Don't ask me something like that so straightforwardly!

Chiaki: Huh? Eh… Hmm… Well then, who is it that Your Highness may have taken an interest to?

Reishi: I-It's none of your business! Ah! You're done eating? Let me clear this up for you.

I stared at her for a while as I put down my chopsticks and empty bowl silently.

Chiaki: It's okay, let me do it.

Reishi: Huh? You're not going to ask me about it?

Chiaki: It's fine, isn't it? If Reishi-san doesn't want to talk about it, I don't feel the need to continue asking either.

Chiaki: After all, everyone has things that they do not want to talk about.

Reishi: … I guess I will clear up after all. Have a good rest, Chiaki-chan.

I felt bad about letting a princess dirty her hands like this, but I felt that I should just leave her be.

I'd be lying if I said I'm not curious anymore. Someone from the Shinsengumi? If it's Reishi-san, it'd most probably be someone from the executives. I don't think normal soldiers will be able to go near her and interact with her enough to make her fall in love with him.

While thinking, my eyelids became heavy and I soon dozed off.


	4. Chapter 4

Days passed and I was getting used to being treated like one of the soldiers. The reason why I had special privileges such as eating with the executives of the Shinsengumi is because Reishi-san requested me to. Otherwise, I'd be told to eat alone in my room.

It was like any other tiring evening, with the trio making the most noise as usual. Kondou-san tried his best to keep the hospitality, which I greatly appreciate. There were times when Reishi-san was also caught up in her conversations with the trio or Sannan-san that I was often being left out, but Kondou-san always tried to strike up a conversation with me.

Nagakura: I get it! How about a get-together in Shimabara later?

Hijikata: If you want to go, go by yourself.

Souji: Always a spoilsport huh, Hijikata-san.

Hijikata: There's nothing worth celebrating for, so I don't see any reason why we should all go.

Kondou: But don't you think it'd be a great idea to take our minds off things?

Kondou: Lately, we've all been working so hard that we haven't had a good break.

Sano: As expected of our Kondou-san!

Sannan: I'd like to be excused. I don't feel like getting drunk tonight.

Hijikata: Then I'm not going either—

Sannan: No, Hijikata-san should go. I'm only staying behind because there has to be someone taking care of the Shinsengumi.

Reishi: In that case, I'd like to come along too!

Everyone was shocked hearing that. I'd never expect Reishi-san as distinguished as herself to want to step into a red light district.

Hijikata: Your highness, are you sure? It's not exactly a safe place…

Reishi: No one is allowed to fight in the red light district right? I don't see why it's not considered safe.

Hijikata: Still—

Reishi: Besides, I have all of you to protect me!

Reishi: Oh come on! I've always wanted to go there. I never had the chance to, and I'd never know if I can ever step out of the palace once I'm back.

That's Reishi-san, giving Hijikata-san a hard time as usual.

Hijikata: Can't be helped then. So, who else is going? Souji? Saitou?

Souji: I don't mind going. It's better than being stuck here all day.

Saitou: …

Saitou: I'm going.

I glanced at Saitou-san. I'd never expect him to agree! This is a surprise.

Nagakura-san and his gang were cheering, as if they'd won the lottery. I can see why too. Lately, Saitou-san's been rejecting Nagakura-san's offer. But since it's from Hijikata-san, Saitou-san couldn't refuse, right?

Hijikata: Then, you.

I stopped eating and stared at Hijikata-san.

Chiaki: M-Me?

I never thought someone who's always blending into the surroundings such as myself will ever be noticed or invited to party with them.

Hijikata-san repeated his question, looking bored and mildly annoyed. Do I really annoy him this easily?

Chiaki: I-I can't drink, so I'm going to pass—

Reishi: You're definitely going! You need to relax!

Sano: That's right. The more the merrier.

I can't say I wasn't curious about the red light district. I had only thought it was polite of me to decline.

Chiaki: Can I really?

Nagakura: What are you saying? It's Hijikata-san's orders! You're going whether you like it or not!

Hijikata: Shinpachi! Don't twist my words like that!

Everyone except Sannan-san got ready and left. No one left their sword behind, with the exception of me and Reishi-san. I was told that I can only hold my sword once I practiced enough.

The red light district was bustling with activities. Beautiful women were everywhere, waving their handkerchiefs at men, even from above. Lanterns decorated the skies and the smell of sake, good food and perfume filled the air. I thought it was a rather beautiful place, but it somehow felt intimidating to me.

Like I know what this place really is.

Women selling their bodies to creepy old men and spending the night with them, that's what Mother told me back then. She warned me never to go to a red light district, or I might end up like those "shameless women".

Then it struck me. Could the men of Shinsengumi be wanting to spend their night here too? I stopped in my tracks as everyone else walked on, but something hit me from behind roughly.

Souji: What's the matter? If you don't catch up, you might be kidnapped by some creepy old man.

Needless to say, I walked really fast.

X

?: Welcome. My name is Kimigiku, and I'm your hostess for the night.

She was stunning. Even with all that makeup and get do, one could tell that she was a beautiful woman. She seem to pay more attention to Hijikata-san, often addressing him as "Hijikata-han".

Heisuke: I'm not surprised if Hijikata-san gets the girls. I've heard that many geishas have been sending him love letters.

Heisuke said to me in a low whisper, keeping his eye at Hijikata-san. I was surprised, but then again, Hijikata-san was good looking, just not my type, after knowing his temper.

The room was filled with polite laughing at first, but then the guys got to drink a little more and begun to loosen up. Now they were commenting that Reishi-san looked rather ravishing tonight too. She blushed and held her sleeves up to cover her laugh. How womanlike, I sigh. There are bound to be many men after her too.

Kimigiku: Reishi-san is indeed a beautiful lady. How would you like to be dolled up by me?

Reishi-san was obviously thrilled. I guess it is natural, since a princess like her would love dressing up, putting make up and getting her hair done by someone.

Kimigiku: And that lady sitting beside Toudou-han?

She directed her question to me politely. I flushed— how the heck am I supposed to respond?

Chiaki: I refuse—

Reishi: That's great! I was going to suggest bringing Chiaki-chan along too!

Nagakura-san, looking drunk, grinned sheepishly at me.

Nagakura: I'd like to see Chiaki-chan looking like a girl for once too.

Kondou: Hmm! It's natural for girls to doll up right? Nakashima-kun, do not be shy!

_Kondou-san too?! It's not as easy as you think!_

Everyone's eyes were on me, waiting for my answer. I can't, I don't know what I'm supposed to do! I want to get dolled up too, but at the same time, it's so embarrassing!

Reishi-san got impatient and dragged me along inside, with Kimigiku bowing to the men, excusing herself.

X

Reishi: Wow! This yellow kimono goes really well with this green obi! But I kind of like the designs on the purple one too…

Kimigiku laughed at Reishi-san's indecisiveness. I wish I can be as cute as Reishi-san too.

Kimigiku: How about you?

Chiaki: Um! I don't know. They all look really pretty.

Reishi: Come on, Chiaki-chan! Choose one! You can't possibly wear all of them!

Kimigiku: That's right, don't be shy. Which color are you most fond of?

Chiaki: Ah, I like red.

Kimigiku quickly fished out a red kimono with elaborated patterns and a yellow and green obi. She helped me as I put them on, tying my obi and adjusting the crease of the kimono. I glanced at the mirror as she went to help Reishi-san. Even if it's just a change of clothing, it made me look like a whole new person. Someone more feminine, a quality which I lack.

Reishi: Chiaki-chan! Look at me! Do I look beautiful?

Come to think of it, the person Reishi-san likes was in the same room as us. Ah, what a great idea to get his attention! As expected of Reishi-san!

Chiaki: You look absolutely lovely, your—

Reishi: Ah, but, I guess this hairdo doesn't really match this kimono after all. Could you change it for me, please?

Kimigiku: With pleasure.

I almost called Reishi-san "your highness"…! It'd be awful if I had said it out.

I was staring at my reflection in the mirror, and I didn't notice Kimigiku stood next to me until she gently touch my hair.

Chiaki: Ah— you don't have to do my hair. It's too short for anything anyway.

Kimigiku: This is a pity, but I'm sure we can put some pins on it.

She gently pick up one side of my hair and tucked it behind my left ear, securing it with a big flowery pin made of gems. Ah… If only my hair was just a few inches longer! Reishi-san's hair was decorated with gold hair combs and pins, and with her makeup done so beautiful, she really looked a princess from the courts!

Chiaki: Kimigiku-san, I hope I don't offend you if I ask something.

She gave me a benevolent smile. I was so captivated by her!

Kimigiku: Please do ask.

Chiaki: What… exactly is your job about?

Kimigiku: I'm a geisha. I entertain the people in this teahouse through conversation, dance, music and serving tea.

Chiaki: Do you, um, sleep with men…?

I hated myself for asking, but I needed to know. Kimigiku-san didn't seem like that kind of person!

Kimigiku: I don't. There are other girls in this area who do, but we, as geishas, don't.

She doesn't seem to be offended at all. She laughed politely at my question, in fact. That's a relief. So the red light district isn't as bad as my mother described.

Kimigiku helped to do my make up too, and so she was analyzing my face. I blushed a little because she was so beautiful. She painted my lips red and around my eyes too, then taking a step back before remarking on how attractive I looked.

Of course I know that's not true but Kimigiku-san went out of her way into dressing us up. I'm really thankful towards her. It's not like I can get to see myself dressing up like a rich and mature lady every day. Who knows, I might never get to see this side of me again.

Kimigiku: Are you two ready to show the men your dazzling appearance?

I felt like I was going to get a hiccup anytime soon. I'm not going to be ready enough to show Kondou-san and the rest. I can't imagine what's going to happen! My heart is beating fast as I thought.

Reishi-san hooked her hand in my arm.

Reishi: Let's go! I'll go first if you're embarrassed.

If that's the case… Wouldn't everyone be looking at Reishi-san instead of me? This would be my chance to slip out of the room when they're not noticing!

We walked in dainty steps until we're outside the room the men were at. As we knelt down, I could hear the ruckus they were making. I swallowed as Kimigiku announce our presence and she slid the door open, revealing awestruck men who had stopped whatever they were doing to look.

I stared at the tatami mat, too bashful to look up. Kimigiku and Reishi-san exude confidence, but I can't. They stood up to sit with the Shinsengumi executives. I panicked for a while. Who am I going to sit with? Ah… Can I just run away already?

Kondou: Nakashima-kun… Right? Why don't you come in?

I bend over a little and I shut my eyes and lowered my head.

Chiaki: I just remembered that I forgot something! Please excuse me!

I quickly got up and ran away, lifting my kimono slightly as I did. My clogs made quite a bit of noise, but as soon as I was a few rooms away from them, I was immensely relieved.

What was wrong with me? I put a fist on my chest. I guess I really hated attention. I'm not like Kimigiku who's used to having men stare at her, or Reishi-san's who's been trained to present herself well in front of many people.

As I walked past various rooms, I could hear drunk men talking happily to one another and the polite giggles of the maikos and geishas.

Just then, one of the doors swung open and a man stepped out, surprising me. His face was red from all that liquor, and he stared at me with blur eyes. I was starting to feel afraid when his eyes turned sinister and so did his lips, as he reached out to grab me. I ran away immediately dashing across the hallways. He was drunk, so he walked slower than usual, but my clogs wasn't making me any faster either. I had to find an empty room to hide, but I can't be seen by him entering.

Should I try screaming for help? But what if I attract more men like him? I should head back to the Shinsengumi's room, but I can't figure my way there. All the rooms looked the same! This time, I was genuinely scared.

Drunk man: Hey missy! *hic* Wait up! Where are you going?

_Don't stop, don't ever stop running!_

Drunk man: Why are you running away? Don't worry I'm not a bad person. I just want a kiss from you!

I was turning around the corner when my clogs hit one of the planks there were poking out from the wooden flooring, and I fell to my knees. The room nearby was lit but seemingly empty, so I tried to get up and make a run for it, but the man caught up to me and pinned me down.

Chiaki: No! Get away from me!

He was trying to kiss my neck but I pushed his face away and kicked him in the stomach. He groaned in pain and I pushed him away from my body. He grabbed my arm and the back of my neck just as I was about to get up and slammed me against one of the pillars. Instinctively, I felt around for my katana, but there was nothing by my side.

Drunk man: Why did you do that, missy? Don't you know that naughty girls have to be punished?

He started to tug at my obi, and I couldn't get his hands off no matter how hard I pulled. I screamed but he put his dirty hand around my mouth. My scream was muffled, and to my horror, the rooms around us were empty.

My obi was loosened and he went on to unravel my kimono next with his free hand. I cried silently, both hands grabbing his other hand in an attempt for him to stop.

Drunk man: I'm going to kill you after I raped you.

?: Then I'm going to kill you first.

Drunk man: ?!

Something shiny cut through the air, startling the drunk man as he removed his hands from me. He was holding onto one of his hands which now had a long red mark across and shouted in pain.

Saitou-san!

I was immensely relieved seeing him. He was holding his sword in reverse, eyes fixated on the drunk man with a killing intent. He then turned his sword around.

Saitou: The next blow is going to cut through this time.

He charged at the man, who drew out his sword and defended himself on time. He was no match for Saitou-san's speed and strength, and ended up having cuts across his arm and his kimono was torn. He begged for mercy and ran away as fast as he could, still screaming in fear. I watch the fight ended just as it had started while trembling and holding onto my clothes.

I was weak. I couldn't defend myself, even after training with the Shinsengumi. I thought to myself as I lowered my gaze, streams of tears falling endlessly. Why was it that no matter how strong I want to become, I will always be weak?

Saitou-san sheathed his sword, and then turned to me and raised his hands in hesitation, putting an arm around me as he went closer. He put a hand on my head, gently pushing it into his chest.

Saitou: I'm sorry I couldn't get here earlier.

I continued to sob into his chest. He didn't seem to mind if I was staining his clothes with my tears, neither was he impatient in wanting me to get off him. It took a while for my sobs to become small hiccups, until I was ready to face him. I pulled away from his embrace and quickly adjusted my kimono and obi. He turned his eyes away.

Saitou: Forgive me for saying this but, I think you look ravishing tonight.

I wiped my tears and snot hastily with my sleeves. Is he kidding me? With my makeup running down my hair and disheveled hair, how can I even come close to decent looking?

Chiaki: I'm not… good looking…

He stood beside me, looking down at me as I averted my eyes from his gaze, covering my nose with my sleeves. Kimigiku-san is going to be angry at me for staining her beautiful and expensive kimonos with my snot, but right now, I can't possibly show Saitou-san my face.

Saitou: I think you should dress like this more often.

I returned his gaze, surprised. He tried to look elsewhere, a faint blush painted on his cheeks. It must be the sake, I told myself. Alcohol gave men the ability to be brave and say either things that they've held in their chests for a long time, or things that they hallucinated and don't mean. Saitou-san was the latter.

Saitou: Take my arm. I will escort you back to the Shinsengumi headquarters.

I took his arm shyly at first, but as we were out of the teahouse and onto the streets, my grip on him was firmer, like I didn't want to be separated from him. He led me out of the streets, careful to avoid bumping into any drunk troublemakers. We walked in silence, but it wasn't awkward. It was comforting to know that he's right beside me. Because it's Saitou Hajime, I don't feel as afraid.


End file.
